The End of My Jonny-Diablo Guilt

Hey, remember when I asked Diablo Cody, “So let’s say $100 million gross, little gold man–does that mean ‘bye, bye Jonny’?” And remember when her husband called the question “the most offensive question anybody’s ever asked her”? And then remember when, like a month later, my stupid question actually turned out to be right on?

Remember that? Well, you would think that I felt like the Amazing Kreskin or something. Or maybe John McCain after the surge. But no, I felt shitty about it.

Really shitty.

No, really.

I mean, when the other two parts of the question came true for Diablo–the $100 million part and the Oscar part–I felt less shitty, of course, at least for her. Because the Q was just an asinine attempt at producing yet another cheap soundbyte in one of my QAs. I had nothing against either Diablo or Jonny. I’ve been a Diablo Cody guy since her original, full-frontal P.Ranch days; and then she actually edited a freelance piece or two of mine when she was at City Pages. And I knew Jonny from the music scene, so I never meant to imply that he was a loser or anything less than a catch–I mean, as a musician, dude is arguably as pretty and/or talented as Dave Grohl. Moreover, he’s possibly a better writer and definitely a better actor than me. It was just a jackassy question actually meant to lance some of the “ha ha, I bet you’re all Hollywood now” Minneapolis backlash bullshit, and I hoped to shock a laugh out of Diablo and maybe provoke a funny comeback on her part. It backfired immediately–I remember having to scramble to get her to feel quasi-comfortable again, but thankfully we got past it and she gave me great stuff the rest of the way. But I worried about it a little afterwards like I do after all my awkward QAs. And then, when Jonny freaked out on his blog, I felt even worse. And when the divorce was announced a month later, I felt I-just-killed-Martha-Dumptruck bad.

But now I feel 1/3 less terrible than ever, because evidently, Jonny Hunt is engaged again!

Well, unless we’re all being Ashton Kutchered here or something. But according to the internets, Jonny’s new(est) betrothed (I understand this will be his fourth) has a handle nearly as exotic as the last one, Miss Trixi B, and of course, a blog.

Jonny’s blog has pictures of the ring, and the Route 66 road trip the couple took to celebrate. He actually popped the question on the same day Diablo won her little gold man, and I guess the timing weirded out some internet messageboard commenters somewhere or something (Sample speculation: did he watch the ceremony live? Did he have to TiVo the ceremony?), because Jonny ran a typically neurotic Jonny-explanation a couple days afterwards.

But whatever. It sounds like everybody’s happy: Diablo, Jonny, and now Miss Trixi B. (I guess they’re all buddies too. Shrugs.)

So I’m taking this as a full pardon. I’m officially off the hook, and I can ask asinine questions again with a clear conscience in future QAs.

That was a close one–nearly had to learn something about myself there.

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63 Responses

  1. Good for him —- I think!

    And really, that’s why we have people like you in the media: to ask those assholish questions that get people all riled up (and to bully around Tay Zonday and get put in your place with all that scholarly name dropping). Putting the Hunt marriage on the line was awesome. I think I was in the minority when I cheered when people flipped out about it. Keep stirring the shit, yo.

  2. Hopefully the fourth time is a charm.

  3. I was wondering when you were gonna talk about this.

  4. Yeah, I know. I just didn’t want to turn in a Gawker-type thing on people I know personally. And I never reviewed Juno, or wrote my “Diablo should be considered our Matt-and-Ben” piece for the same reason.

    But now I see that fucking Chicago is starting to claim her and it’s time for us to step up. Seriously, why didn’t mnspeak link to every piece of coverage on Diablo? There was a lot of whining about overexposure, without the, you know, overexposure. I’m serious about this. I know you Scandihoovian pussies are notorious for your weak constitutions when it comes to people that stick out, I know that you obsess over OTHER PEOPLE’s humility more than you obsess over who’s lining up behind Matt Birk this upcoming minicamp, but I actually think Diablo was UNDER-covered on the internets.

    Look, do we really have better things to talk about? C’mon.

    Nobody went outside for four months here. Before the high school hockey tournament, what exactly did we have to talk about?

    We had an OSCAR WINNING EX-STRIPPER that we basically tastefully ignored. Except for a couple pieces in THE STRIB. I mean, she writes a movie that sounds like a teenage girl’s blog, and Colin Covert was the only one who wrote about it.

    So shame on me, but also, shame on you, Minneapolis. Shame on you. We lost one of our own to fucking Oprah-land because what, you didn’t find Juno’s dialog wholly believable? Teenage girls aren’t that witty, huh? Well, what about Superbad’s dialog? Did you find the dialog in Superbad plausible? Wow, those 22 year dudes playing 17 year dudes seem funnier than real life 17 year dudes, don’t they. Hollywood is so weird.

    Fuck. Okay. I feel better now.

  5. Oh please. She was never from here, stripped here for whatever reason (to write a book?) and wrote a screenplay at one of our Targets. Who seriously cares? She’s not Minnesotan, never was one, and won’t be. If we’re going to talk about something, why not talk about something that actually has something to do with us. Like the Coen brothers. Or something less important than an Oscar winning weirdo.

  6. For future reference, just so we have an according-to-Hoyle standard here, what magical threshold do you have to cross to become “one of us”? If it works, we can refer to this as The Kirby Puckett Axiom.

  7. I kind of get what both of you guys are saying. For the record, growing up in Hibbing was tough. We didn’t claim Bob Dylan until a couple years ago.

    A musician friend once told me, “If you’re from here, you don’t break out in Minnesota, it just doesn’t happen”

  8. You know how I know you are gay, stephenhero?

    You like “Juno.”

  9. He’s not gay. Bi maybe.

  10. This Odinist audience you’ve brought over is pretty sweet, Ciaran.

    Just think of me as an Ellen-Page-Lesbian, boys. Kind of like an Obama Republican, but less closeted.

  11. I’d be interested in the answer as to when you’re officially from here too. I was born/raised in Chicago, but I’ve lived here for 5 years as an adult, compared to 0 days as an adult in Chicago. So I feel more “from here” than there. But if there’s a time limit, that would be helpful. Just in case I want to officially be from here. Before I hit it big.

    PS: It’s got to be weird for your ex-wife to win an Oscar for a screenplay she wrote while you were married. How do you share that money in an alimony-type situation?

  12. I think Diablo should totally count as “one of us.” She set her first movie here. I know they filmed it in Vancouver or whatever, but she went out of her way to include “St. Cloud” in the script.

    I think we blew it. If we would’ve been nicer to her, she would totally done the Matt Damon “Thank you, Boston!” thing and held aloft the statuette. Instead, we treated her like Chuck Knoblauch for no reason.

  13. I just think it’s important to keep perspective between what people in the real world are thinking, versus what people in the internet chat world are writing.

    Real people I know think the Diablo story is pretty awesome. There was a lot of snark about her online. Because Diablo and Jonny read stuff online, maybe they lost touch with what the real people were thinking. Which was positive.

    I guess I’m saying, you need to work hard to remember that the online buzz isn’t really representative of anything other than a small sub-section of the community. A small, dorky, it’s 11:30 at night and I’m commenting on Steve Marsh’s blog, subsection of the community.

  14. Yeah, maybe, but I don’t think I’m making the Juno backlash up. And I wouldn’t underestimate the ability of the internet community to shape mainstream opinion, would you, Mr. WCCO.com?

  15. I truly have no idea. There’s certainly a backlash. But judging from the box office numbers, it’s not that big of a backlash. I mean, lots of people are still going to see the film.

    No doubt the internet helps shape mainstream opinion, but I think it’s more indirect. Online message board backlash leads to mainstream blogger backlash leads to magazine column blog backlash leads to newspaper story about online backlash leads to TV story about backlash leads to watercooler discussion about backlash. I don’t think that’s happened in this case.

  16. Charlie Kaufman lived in Minnesota. I’ve never done a link about him. Why aren’t we claiming him?

  17. Well, does Charlie pass the Kirby Puckett Axiom?

    Let’s see.

    Born in Minnesota? Nope.

    Attend high school in Minnesota? Nope.

    Did he begin his career in Minnesota? Nope.

    Did he set major work in Minnesota or win a championship for one of Minnesota’s teams? Nope.

    Did he marry a Minnesotan? Nope.

    Does he talk about Minnesota ad nauseum in interviews? Nope.

    So, he’s not a Minnesotan. Got somebody else?

  18. I think if you meet even one of these conditions, you’re ours.

  19. August Wilson would barely qualify as a Minnesotan under your conditions, Marsh.

  20. Oh, and Phil Hartman married a Minnesotan. Turned out badly for him.

  21. But he would. I mean, Pittsburgh wouldn’t be able to discount us. He would still wear his Pirates hat in the Hall though, and that’s probably fair.

  22. I read my website as much as you read MSPMag.com.

    I never argued there wasn’t a backlash. And reposting an AP article on WCCO.com — not sure that qualifies as hitting the mainstream.

    My point is that everything online is amplified. I think you and I actually agree about this whole issue, so I think you should redirect your arguing to Max.

  23. I actually understand why Jonny was upset. Although, since they must have already been getting divorced, or at least headed there, his anger may have been misplaced. Nonetheless, it sounds as though he got a lot of “How does it feel to be married to someone so incredibly talented?” Seeing as Jonny himself is a musician and songwriter, as well as a writer (and has produced some good writing for City Pages), it’s east to get a whole weird “What’s Diablo doing with you” vibe from questions like that, and I suspect that’s why your question caused the meltdown, Steve, as well as the post about why he’s good enough to be with Diablo.

    Anyway, you and I know Jonny to an extent, and know he’s a pretty good cat, so all I can do is wish him well on his new marriage.

  24. Hey, Steve. I’m totally happy that you called me “as pretty and talented as Dave Grohl” and I’ll let that *totally* make up for you calling me neurotic a couple paragraphs later!! (It’s true. Sigh. I am. I know it.)

    Its true, you’re not being Punk’d, I am engaged, and very very happy. Trix is with me now in LA and yes, she, me and Diablo are all friends. And thanks for the congrats, y’all! She’s completely awesome.

    Weirdly enough, when Steve asked the question, we WEREN’T in the middle of getting divorced, nor had anything like that even come up. Which makes the psychic-ness even weirder. It was like “What? What? Oh. Right.”

    I’m just bummed the MNSpeak thread turned into yet another “Juno sucks” thread rather than a “Jonny is an amoral serial monogamist thread.”

  25. I’m happy you’ve absolved yourself, Steve.

  26. And yes, fourth — but the first was a “too young” thing that was entirely my fault, and if you read Diablo’s book, you realize why the 2nd one fell apart. Marrying crazy never really works.

    My friends spin it as “Jonny never loses faith in love.” That’s a good way to look at it that makes me look less like Liz Taylor.

  27. What’s wrong with looking like Liz Taylor?

    http://www.life.com/Life/taylor/cv042861.html

  28. Well, I’ve got the hair…and the cigarette holder…

  29. I still need to gain about 10 pounds before I look like Liz Taylor.

  30. And I hear you on the mnspeak situation, Jonny. But it’s awkward to talk about some of this stuff. So now that everybody is congratulated and feeling good, let’s get into this. Topic! Serial Monogamy!

    Like, really, dude, the same day she won her Oscar?

    And, didn’t you take that Route 66 trip before, when Diablo named herself Diablo?

    And like, really, dude, the same day she won her Oscar?

    It’s your moment, sons. Step up to the mic.

  31. >>> let’s get into this. Topic! Serial Monogamy!

    I like to kill my hookers using an icepick.

    >>> Like, really, dude, the same day she won her Oscar?

    Actually, yup, and we got really really drunk too. It was fun!

    >>> And, didn’t you take that Route 66 trip before, when Diablo named herself Diablo?

    Nope, that was a trip from Minnesota to Wyoming — CODY, Wyoming, to be precise. As we hurtled over the mountain pass from Yellowstone to Cody, her driving and me gripping the edges of my seat with white knuckles, she yelled “I AM EL DIABLO!!!” and it just kind of stuck.

    >>> And like, really, dude, the same day she won her Oscar?

    We got drunk at the Riot House with a dude who designed the costumes for Across the Universe who spent the afternoon snarking about everybody else nominated.

  32. Marsh with the hard questions. Damn! He’s just trying to make himself feel guilty again.

  33. Well, only in Hollywood, I guess!

    There’s your special Diablo-Trixie-Jonny FAQ, folks, brought to you here, exclusively (in the Midwest) on Stephenhero!

  34. I was raised Catholic, Max. It’s a cycle.

  35. Your blog is going to get, like, a million hits for this post, while the best I can hope for is 100 or so, despite reviewing every films William Shatner made in the 60s and 70s.

  36. Buck up, lil’ Maxy! They’ll abandon me as soon as I start blogging about my Dodge Dynasty or the Ant-Man again. The only things that get traffic on the hero is a Jonny Hunt engagement or a good old-fashioned Nazi skinhead brawl.

    And don’t forget about that Pray for the Wildcats copy I want.

  37. Ironically, a Jonny Hunt engagement doesn’t get ME any hits on MY blog!

    Justice? I THINK NOT.

  38. It’s just because you’re writing from a less important media market.

    Oh wait.

  39. Start writing about Shatner, Jonny. Then the circle will be complete.

  40. One more question, Mr. Hunt: If we place the over/under on “Oscars Miss Trixie B will win in her lifetime” at one, will you take the over, or the under?

  41. I’m gonna go with the “under,” thank GOD.

  42. Although if you can two wives with Oscars under their belt, Jonny, aspiring writer chicks in Hollywood will beat a path to your door.

    Wow. I now have a new goal in my own life. I’ve got to get Coco to write a screenplay.

  43. 43 comments, mostly from 4 people. Fantastic. We all should just pick up a telephone and work this out.

  44. I do however predict great things for Trix here in Los Angeles. The town suits her.

  45. Telephones are scary, JD.

    And let me assure you, the number of comments serve as Hemingway’s proverbial iceberg when it comes to blog technology.

    This thing has like 147 hits already!

    Fogo de Stephen!

  46. Tele-phone? What antiquated technology are you talking about, Jason?

  47. Ahoy-hoy?

  48. Hey guys, sorry I’m late to the party. I was game mastering the weekly dungeon crawl. As a Minnesotan by transplant, I have to agree it’s a rough burg to try to, I don’t know, do anything in. As another transplant once told me, the motto of the place should be “Welcome to town. Just who do you think you are?”

    And Steve: you’re welcome for the pagan thug demo. Remember: Odin Hates Fags.

  49. Gawd. Isn’t there anybody in the comment stream I haven’t slept with?

  50. I remember those perfume-drenched nights, Paul.

  51. Who doesn’t?

  52. I’m still trying to forget. DeRusha in those boots….damn…..

  53. They were just a little bit slutty, weren’t they?

  54. Simple and a little bit slutty

  55. Now you’ve got me reading your blog regularly Mr. Hero…and boy did line #10 make me roll.

    I want to also add that I’ve been friends with Ms. Trixie for over 12 years now, and I know she’s excited as hell about Jonny. She’s truly one of the sweetest girls I know, and has a serious heart of gold. I’m glad to see the two of you together Jonny. Treat her well my friend…because there is no doubt in my mind she will you.

    And Ciaran…get your ass back to Transmission!

    Oh, and Jason D…I’m the guy you met on the sidewalk outside of Cafe Latte while you were doing your H20 story. I don’t know if you noticed him or not, but I really wanted you to interview the crazy guy yelling to himself and walking down the sidewalk holding his cup up in the air. Ratings baby…ratings!

    word.

    Jake

  56. I know it can’t compare to the weirdness of an ex winning an Oscar but I must say, it’s pretty fuckin’ weird to encounter a comment thread like this about your friends!

  57. So very, very true.

  58. I was actually the crzy guy on Grand Avenue yelling at myself and holding my cup in the air. I can pull down like $80 on warm weekend days.

  59. That’s why I didn’t interview the crazy man, Jake. Geoff’s crazy like a frickin’ fox. $80 a day! SweeT!

  60. Personally, I cant wait until this shameless attention whore’s fifteen minutes are up. If I hear about this bimbo recklessly addressing a room full of 14 year old emo girls packed into a Borders somewhere, telling them that it’s all empowering and OK to be a stripper or a “sex worker” one more time I’ll be looking for that icepick Jonny, I wish you well, but the redivorce rate in MN is over 85%, and you fucked up so badly last time I’d seriously think about calling it a day on the marriage thing.

  61. I’m always late to the party, but this time I have an excuse. I had just recently (almost) finished Candy Girl when I decided to Google Diablo Cody; I was pretty shocked by all the carnage. I’ve been out of the loop for the past four years spending a lot of time in that “big building with doors and patients”I’ve been trying to read as much as I can on everything. A large stack of books from a book chain close out helped.To the chase. I had fallen in love with both the story and the characters to say I’m broken hearted is an understatement. Evidently more so than Ms Cody. She has truly gone Hollywood. Somehow I think a divorce was on her mind before the Question was asked. And regarding the question? I don’t know how you can feel better as it was a really shitty thing to ask. I would be looking over my back for that ‘ole devil karma.

  62. this page was exactly what i have been searching for! found this blog bookmarked from a friend. I will also share it. Thanks again!

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